17-year-old sets her mother and her mother's husband straight when they get upset at her for telling others that he isn't her dad: 'My mom's husband isn't my dad'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jul 26, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

The truth can be brutal. Especially when you're not prepared to hear it. So many of us would rather hear the thing that we want to hear rather than grapple with truth.

If there's one thing you should learn about kids, it's that they will tell the truth no matter how brutal that truth is. Sure, this idea is normally attributed to young children; toddlers are infamous for their ability to cut you down to size by telling you something exactly how they see it. But, that being said, if you've ever pressed an ornery teenager to be involved in something that they don't want to be involved in, or to answer a question about something they don't want to be a part of, be prepared for some pointedly cutting remarks. I mean, for Pete's sake, teenagers can even get angry about the idea of being stuck on a family vacation; the ideals of sharing a relaxing time in an idyllic location are overshadowed by the very thought of lost time with friends and individuality.

When this family, consisting of a 17-year-old and her mother and her mother's husband, "James," went on vacation together, conversation came up over a shared dinner with strangers regarding the husband and daughter's relation to one another. When the teen explained to the stranger's children that James wasn't her father, it triggered a response from her disappointed mother that only caused her to dig her heels in further. While it is understandable from the parents' perspective that they want her to feel close to James, putting pressure on her is only going to make the issue worse, not better.

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  • 01
    My dad d d when my mom was pregnant with me (17f). She told me about him growing up and we have little traditions we keep to honor him and she also named me the name he wanted for a daughter. I always spent time with my dad's family in the summer and they'd travel to see me or we'd travel to see them when we could. So even though I never got to meet him I still consider him my dad, you know?
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    Cheezburger Image 10533275136
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    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    When I was 13 she introduced me to James and they got married when I was 14. To me James is my mom's husband but I guess he sees me as his daughter and he's been hurt for years that I call him James, that I never gave him a dad- like nickname or title. I didn't know about it until we went on vacation last month. My mom and James met this couple and we had dinner with their family. I was talking to their two kids who were pretty close in age to me and they asked why I called him James and wasn't
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  • 04
    But when we got back to the resort my mom pulled me into my room and asked me why I'd say that stuff at dinner. I had to ask her what she meant because I had no idea what was going on. She said James' face when I said he wasn't my dad and when I told those kids I never got to meet my dad was heartbreaking. She told me he's been waiting for me to acknowledge him as the dad in my life and I never do. I told her he's not though. She said I might have been 13 when I met him but it shouldn't stop me
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  • 05
    Then after we got back from vacation mom and James pulled me into a meeting and James told me how much he'd love to be more to me than James and how hurtful it was to be rejected as dad even to strangers who could've easily been led to believe that he was my dad. They said I don't need to always say he's not or that my dad død. I told him I was sorry that my words hurt his feelings and my mom said that wasn't a good apology and that it didn't sound like I was sorry I said those things. I said no
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  • 06
    Ever since that afternoon mom's talked to me about it 5 different times and James mopes whenever I'm around. Mom said it really is hurtful to him. AITA?
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  • 07
    sfrancisch5842·3h ago NTA. At the end of the day, he is not Your father. Period. You met him when you were 13. Old enough to know that he's not your father. And he didn't really play a fatherly role in your life. He married your mom. He had no part in you. That's a stepdad. You are allowed to feel the way you feel. As adults... your mom is failing you.
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  • 08
    Public-Ad-9827 For 13 years you and your mom both celebrated your father as your father. You've only known James for 4 years. Just because he's present doesn't automatically make him your dad. He may care for you like a dad, but if you don't feel that he's your dad, there's no amount of pushing and guilt that's going to make you change your feelings. On the contrary, all they're doing is pushing you away from both of them. You are going to start, if you
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  • 09
    haven't already, resenting James' insistence. Your mother also needs to realize that resentment is going to spread to her as well. Unfortunately I see this as a long- term battle for you. If you get married, there's going to be insistance that James be father of the Bride. If you have children there's going to be insistence that James be Grandpa.
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  • 10
    You might want to remind your mother that you have less than a year before you are 18. Does she want to put a wall up for the future? NTA
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    the_Jolly_GreenGiant • 3h ago NTA, you were 13 when you met this man. No one is entitled to your feelings. While he seems to be trying and you do not seem to have a bad relationship with him you never bonded with him in that way. You were asked a question and then answered that question honestly, if your mom has a problem with that then that is her issue.
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    Mindless-Mountain762 I don't believe you owe him anything. You've known him for four years. If he really loves you, then he should be more patient.
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  • 13
    JollyJeanGiant83 It sounds like your mom and James need therapy and you're doing fine. NTA.
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  • 14
    Lexi_Jean NTA- Your mom made sure to celebrate your dad, to keep him "alive" to you. This is her own doing.
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  • 15
    Responsible-Rest327 James is not your dad. Also true. He's your mother's husband. You have a right to define that relationship as you experience it.
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  • 16
    JadedExercise8690 3h ago • You lost your dad before you ever got the chance to know him... that grief is real, even if it's quiet. You're not being disrespectful by honoring that. James may love you, but love doesn't mean rewriting your history to make someone else feel better. You're allowed to define your own relationships. NTA.
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Babies family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH infant kids teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family pregnant reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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